TREZEVANT- In a cstudent telegram dated March 4, 2015, Vice Chancellor McCardell announced sweeping reform in the governance of the University: “In an effort to create more student involvement in the University as well as to incorporate technology into our executive office, henceforth the application Yik Yak will serve as the authority on all decision making processes starting February 31st, 2016.”
YikYak is a social networking site that allows people within a certain geographic vicinity to anonymously post feelings, jokes, and be really fucking mean without fear of consequences.
The announcement further notes, “We hope the student opinions visible on Yik Yak will help us determine many of our monetary choices and when to cancel class; we project that a large percentage of the budget will go to canceling 8AMs and ‘butt stuff,’ which I’ll have to look up on google images later.”
“This is fucking sick,” said Junior Chad Cunningham IV “I have so many yakarma points; my yak about McClurg serving fried pickles got like 100 ups. That’s almost as many as my one about blowjobs got.”
McCardell ends his message with a bright hope for the future: “With Yik Yak, we’ll be able to discuss the more difficult topics with total anonymity. Questions like 'Is the Pub open??', 'Who’s the hottest sophomore?' and 'Which Hogwarts House would each frat be?' will finally be answered.”
Sources add that Bumble matches will be used prominently in the roommate selection process. Keeping with the trend toward modernity, Trivia Crack rankings will now determine your spot in room draw.
No word has come from the Alumni camp, as their flip phones do not support the app.
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